The Beauty Olympics

{Elta MD cleanser, Teoxane serum, SkinCeuticals Phloretin gel, SkinCeuticals tinted sunscreen}

{Creed Iris Tuberose, Gildy’s Naturals deodorant, Bond No. 9 Park Ave. South}

 

{Elta Md cleanser, SkinCeuticals Retexturizing Activator, Aquaphor ointment, Tazorac gel}

{Caron Fleurs de Rocaille parfum}

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Do you ever stare at the enlarged pores on the side of your nose and die a little inside? I sure as hell do. At the age of 38, I’m beginning to notice the onset of deep nasalabial folds (yes, that’s a veritable word describing laugh lines. I know, gross), cysts on my chin (hello? I’m not a teenager!), brown spots (from all the days on the beach drenched in BABY OIL like a bona fide asshole) and blah blah blah.

I could pen a 1,453-page novel à la Nora Ephron about all the crap that comes with aging but I’ll refrain from delivering the downright depressive news in case you’re 12 years old and reading this (in which you shouldn’t be because I drop F-bombs and have the mouth of a drunken sailor). But lately, I have grasp on the adult acne, fine lines and dull skin situation thanks to my dermatologist Dr. Andrea Trowers. 

Photographed above is what I’ve coined the “Beauty Olympics.” It’s my rigorous day and nighttime routine which Dr. T. has prescribed me to feel better about my life in general.

In a nutshell, the daytime treatment plan consists of the following in this exact order: 1. Elta MD cleanser (helps unclog pores). 2. Teoxane serum (hydrates skin with hyaluronic acid). 3. SkinCeuticals Phloretin gel (packed with Vitamin C, it improves the appearance of discoloration). 4. SkinCeuticals UV defense (sun protection because the sun is evil and shit and it’s your ENEMY. Like Darth Vader and cellulite. And carbs. And ex boyfriends).

Come nighttime, I will do this song and dance: 1. Elta MD cleanser. 2. Three drops of SkinCeuticals retexturizing activator (exfoliates skin). 3. Aquaphor (to moisturize and prevent dryness). 4. One pea-size amount of of the prescription, Tazorac (which cleans out pores and kicks acne’s ass to the curb).

In terms of scents, I’m having a Caron, Creed and Bond No. 9 moment. And for deodorant, I finally found an organic one by Miami’s own Gildy’s Naturals — I love it because it doesn’t smell like patchouli, marijuana or Nag Champa incense (hooray!). Oh, and it actually works, which is precisely the point because most of the crap I’ve tried at Whole Foods is whack and I end up stinking like a billy goat after 30 minutes.

So there you have it…my beauty routine. I know, it’s a lot but it works for me.