Juice Fasts Aren’t for Sissies

{This is what day 2 on the juice fast looks like — it ain’t purdy, folks}

If you aren’t in the mood to hear me kvetch, well, stop reading now because TODAY WAS SO NOT A WINNING DAY. You see, I started The Standard Spa 5-day juice cleanse program yesterday and while day 1 was like a brisk walk through Central Park on a crisp Spring day, day 2 was akin to traipsing through one of those creepy warehouses where those freaky Saw movies are filmed. So not exaggerating. Ok, I am. It happens. A lot.

Day 1 was a breeze. I guzzled all 5 of my juices (even the murky-turtle-green one made with CHARD — um, what is CHARD anyway?). I was never hungry and slept like a baby in one of those horrid Anne Geddes photographs with the babies dressed up like pea pods and bunnies.

Day 2? Eh, not so easy. I found myself cranky (see photographic evidence above), thirsty (how can one possibly be THIRSTY when all one does is DRINK?), peeing every 5 minutes (note to future juicers: make sure a toilet is within two-seconds distance), headache-y (I blame my affinity for carbs and sugar), not wanting to dress myself (blasphemous) and irritable (don’t even ask my kids how I reacted when they asked me for GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES) and hungry (I’d kill a betch for some Shake Shack).

But now that I’m sprawled on the couch and the kiddos are fast asleep in their beds, I do feel lighter. And a sense of calm. A wave of clarity has washed over me, too. Did I mention I lost two pounds? Yes! Two pounds warrants a new shoe purchase, right? That’s so not a rhetorical question. Duh.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings. A little birdie tells me I’ll have epiphanies, bursts of energy and creativity. This all sounds so hipity dipity and my inner granola chick is eating it all up like kale. Juiced kale, natch.